Gawd I sound so depressed all the time. I'm not, honestly. I feel better than I have in a long time. I stopped drinking and I've been reading a lot and going for bike rides and stuff. I'm starting to really like living out here. It's nice to be content somewhere for now.
Rusty started his new job so he's working two jobs for the next weekish. He's the lead line cook for dinner service. He also slowed down drinking a lot, last night was the first time in 10 days he got kind of drunk. And only kind of, not even fully drunk. We got in a really big fight the last time he drank and he didn't come home until 5 am. I feel like he stopped drinking because he did something while he was out drinking that night, not because our relationship has been suffering so maybe he's putting in some effort before we shoot this dead horse anymore in the head? I don't know, I'm really stressed about it. I talked to him about it and he tried to put me at ease, but I just don't buy it. When am I ever going to feel like I'm worth something?
I really like my job too. I get a dollar raise on the 28th, and I've started bringing in my own recipes. My boss really likes my biscotti recipe and on Saturday I'm going to make her the pistachio cake I used to make at Mariposa. The owner wants me to start making hamburger and hot dog buns for the summer, which is fucking awesome, since making bread is my favorite. My coworker Jill is super cool, I brought her to the last show Rusty's band played, she had a great time.
In really happy news I weigh 136 now. I don't remember the last time I weighed that little. I'm pretty proud of myself. I really want to get in better shape, hopefully some of the money we'll save now can go to a gym membership? And I'm buying a car on the 21st if my friend can come with me, or else a couple days after that. I plan on being in the bay area as much as possible.
I'm really happy Elie is out of jail. I wish I was there to celebrate with everyone. Hopefully in a couple months I'll be able to come out for a long weekend or something.
Twister is a horrible movie.